Attentive readers may have noticed a *slight* vein of cynicism in this blog. Well. That’s an understatement. You know how when bodybuilders flex their arms it looks like someone has wrapped climbing rope around two oil barrels? That’s what the vein of cynicism in this blog is like. It isn’t subtle.
This being the case, I am often asked why I stick it out with OkCupid at all. Surely a cynicism so extreme does not need reinforcing. Surely, in the interests of balance, I ought to go and do something more Pollyannaish, like prance through a buttercup field singing 1970s flowerchild anthems or something, just to bring me down to relatively normal levels?
Well, here’s an unusual confession – I actually don’t loathe everything about the site. Here are my five things I like about OkCupid:
5) Entertainment – C’mon. It’s fun. It saps your time for a reason. Where else can you go to scope out both your most apropos bodily function and your worldwide nemesis? I would miss its potential for daftness were I gone.
4) Anthropology – Every armchair anthropologist needs folk to gawp at, and OkCupid is the perfect people-zoo. Without so much as removing your slippers, you can suss out the courtship rituals of today’s unsuspecting urban tribes (and you get to feel smug if yours are better).
3) Anecdotes – This blog is relatively thin on anecdotes, as I don’t think it’d be fair on my dates to spill the beans online. Don’t be fooled: the site has given me plenty of stories. If you’re running low on things to tell your friends, you should go on a date and guarantee some.
2) Lessons Learnt – I’ve learnt plenty from my ten months on OkCupid. It’s all the things you’d ordinarily learn from dating anyway, but because you’ve engineered it, you learn at breakneck speed.
One of the more useful life lessons I’ve learned is that OkCupid’s Quiver option is ridiculous. You’d have better luck being matchmade by a blind mental patient whose only other acquaintances were either on her ward or in her head. But hey, you can’t fault a staff robot for trying.
1) Hope – There’s always the chance that you might find the love of your life here. Of course, you’re probably equally likely to find the love of your life in Tesco, but you can always use OkCupid in addition to the meals-for-one aisle.
Hiding deep within us all is a hopeless, deluded romantic, whose cry is very difficult to smother. I think you’ll agree, however, that this blog has been a valiant attempt.