The Prevalence of Pervs

This is not an accurate depiction of the dynamic on the site

Men of OkCupid, I’m going to let you in on a secret. Most of the other men on OkCupid are exactly the same as you.

There is a common misconception, among you normal people, that you are adrift amongst a sea of pervs. A choppy, frothy sea of pervs with slightly crusty foam.

The reason for this misconception? It’s us girls. We moan about them. Personally, I’ve been known to blog about them. The pervs exist, they really do; and they’re awfully fun to recoil from. They just don’t exist in anything like the quantities we have led you on to believe.

Over the last week, for example, I have received maybe two messages which veered slightly into oddball territory. One began “I’m a bit ancient for you, but…”, and the other came from someone who wanted “a long-distance relationship with a woman who will tease and deny”. (He’ll have been delighted to find that I denied him.)

All the other messages I received, disappointingly, have been somewhere on the normal spectrum. Some were funny. Some direct. Some were charming. Some were bland. Some negged. Some begged. One told me my pictures reminded him of Desperately Seeking Susan.

Regular guys in short; the sort I might encounter anyway throughout my day-to-day existence. And although I didn’t reply to all of them, I didn’t have to sit down each time and fan my face and insist my maid pass me my smelling salts.

Now, I should point out here that when I speak of ‘pervs’ I’m not talking about people with fetishes and kinks per se. I’m talking about people who bring these fetishes and kinks to bear on their first message. The main thing that’s objectionable about them, quite distinct from their sexual peccadilloes, is that this is their only means of interaction.

As for the rest of you, if you were hoping to distinguish yourself through your normality, I’m afraid you’re fighting a losing battle. If you want to stand out in this arena, limited social skills and a squirrel suit might actually be the way to go…


About Abi Millar

British freelance journalist living in the Netherlands
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9 Responses to The Prevalence of Pervs

  1. Mark says:

    I suspected as much, there is no hope for a normal guy to stand out…

    I guess it is time to start working at being a weirdo on there as at least then someone may notice you, even if it is for the wrong reasons!

    *is off to find a purple llama outfit and change his ‘looking for’ to female llama farmer with own wellies*

  2. Abi Millar says:

    Very good plan. There’s bound to be a girl out there with a llama fetish.

  3. Tao says:

    Eh? How is that a secret? Site like OKCupid exists for perverts. For both men and women. As for normal people, its about luck just like in real life.

    The fact is, the more of a looker you are the more attention you will get. Just like real life. Only a few non-lookers stand out through their amazing ways of express themselves. Its the medium that differs.

    I also realized, male perverts are the equivalent of female sluts.

  4. Alex says:

    Am I imagining things or did this post get deleted and then re-appear? A bit of timidness can only be natural when you’re being so forward, so not to worry! Just don’t discourage yourself – your posts are invariably good reads (and entertaining ones).

    With regards to the actual article, I couldn’t agree more. In fact, I could swear the average guy has a lower chance of getting a date via OkCupid or such than in real life. I mean, the competition is huge, and what do you have to differentiate yourself besides a photo and a set of likes and dislikes? You might as well play the lottery, it would appear. And how perverse, considering the common perception! Girls, on the other hand, have it easier in one sense – a wide selection and typically a constant stream of incoming interest – yet this seems to be a curse as well.

    • Abi Millar says:

      Yes, I did delete and then repost – damn you for being so attentive!
      Girls do indeed have it easier in one sense. As to why it’s a curse for us too, well, that’s material for another post…

      • Alex says:

        Hah. Well I just clicked the post link on the notification and got “page not found”. In fact the email contained the whole post. No secrets are safe! Oh, and I’d be curious to see if you justify guys actually using the site; would make an interesting read.

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